Sharing Traumatic Information with Children

Over the years, I have consulted with many parents and educators on how to best approach sharing traumatic or upsetting information with children. Situations such as death, divorce, accidents, natural disasters, or a huge life change are devastating for all involved, and often the adult is concerned about how to best communicate the information. Factors such as the limited scope of children’s knowledge, sudden fears, confusion, extreme emotion, potential questions, and mature subject matter often make this a challenge. It is nerve-racking, and little minds should be treated delicately.

Here are some suggestions and observations from both research and personal experience that may help you through this difficult process.

1. Keep it short.

Adults in their nervousness often overshare or give WAY too many unnecessary details.

Kids need to know the important information but might miss it in a lengthy story.

2. Stick to the facts.

It is okay to tell the truth about what happened but keep the dialogue age appropriate.

It is my professional opinion that it is okay to leave out information that the child can’t yet understand, but still present the truth. (For example, if a child lost a sibling due to suicide from a drug addiction, the family may decide to share only that the sibling was sick from taking too many drugs and they passed away.) This is dependent on the child’s age and the family’s personal preference.

3. Validate and encourage feelings.

Set the tone during the conversation that any feeling is okay, and that they are loved and supported. Allow for questions.

4. Give them time to process.

Let them know that you understand it is heavy information being shared, that the grieving process will take time, and help them feel safe by sharing the best avenue to get support (talking to mommy, speaking to your counselor, etc.)

While it is okay to display emotion while sharing the info, be cautious not to project your own feelings on the child by telling them what they feel.

5. Maintain routines/explain to kids what’s next.

Parents often project their own feelings in traumatic situations and assume that the child can’t tolerate school, playdates, after-school activities and give children “grieving time.” While this might be appropriate for a short period of time, research supports that providing a consistent and stable routine helps children feel secure, safe, and that life can continue to go on after the crisis. It also helps them access multiple avenues of support.

These conversations are stressful, but one fact always remains consistent: I never fail to be amazed at the incredible resiliency of children when provided with the proper framework and support.

If your child is struggling to cope with a major life stressor, I am here to support your family! Are you considering counseling and have questions and/or concerns about it? Reach out to me by clicking here to send me a message or at (813) 679-9860.

Andrea Wilson, LMHC